A Real ibanker: #1 Gives Everything for The Deal

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Written by: Topics: A Real ibanker

An ibanker never lets go of a deal

Some say that gone are the days when the last standing man in the village facing an army of enemies will fight to the very end rather than scurry off to avoid a certain death. Who knows if today’s metrosexual man whose bathroom cupboard is shelved with anti-ageing products and wrinkle removing formulas would act the same way.

Yet that spirit of epic sacrifice still lives strong in the corridors of the mighty global investment banks. There you’ll find the men and women who do it all for the deal. They will never let go until a deal is successfully closed.

But beware of the countless posers who call themselves ‘bankers’ and tell you they’re completely swamped with work on an alleged ‘live’ deal. Question why it is they can tell you this as they sit back comfortably in a chair at some cafe at 5pm on a Thursday. My dear friends, the bankers I speak of will rarely discuss personal sacrifice with you. Firstly because they have no time to speak to you and are in the office, always. Secondly, because it speaks for itself.

We are all familiar with the widely discussed sacrifices attributed to the banking sector, such as routinely working 100hrs+ weeks during deal time or sleeping at the office. However, the sacrifices I speak of are on another scale: having to miss the birth of your child; not having the time to change out of a suit and therefore sleeping in it and heading right back to work where switching ties will have to do for four or five days; keeping an empty water bottle under your desk to relieve yourself when working on a critical financial model which cannot accommodate a single moment’s distraction; crying uncontrollably at the desk, out loud, in front of everyone because you’re eyes have not looked away once from the computer screens in nearly 17 hours yet continuing to work because everything is about the deal.

Oh and a real banker won’t be chilling in a cafe at 5pm on a Thursday because that’s around the time the banker will finally have time to eat breakfast. At his desk.

{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

Daniel September 18, 2012 at 7:26 pm

working 100hrs+ and 17hrs a day yeah. but taking a piss in a bottle under your desk because you cannot afford to be distracted from linking thousands of cells in excel…c’mon that’s bullshit.

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The ibanker September 26, 2012 at 7:22 am

Hi Daniel,
Should have clarified…the ‘A Real ibanker’ list is meant to be a comedic exaggeration. Some elements, including working 100hrs+ weeks is true however.

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Angellus September 28, 2012 at 3:15 am

You just had to be that guy Daniel, just had to be that guy

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A fresh Grad off the production line September 28, 2012 at 11:49 am

Haha I thought the exact same thing, that made my day haha

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LDN Banker September 19, 2012 at 1:36 pm

My MD was very close to missing the brith of his 2nd child recently. instead, he decided to feed me to the lions, sent me off the meeting solo and got the next flight home….

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Ying Ying S. January 31, 2013 at 12:43 pm

I love the effect of hyperboles in your writings…

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Curious February 13, 2013 at 9:08 pm

Does you really get fired if you want to be present at the birth of your child?

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